JFK

"Do not pray for easy lives, pray to be stronger men."

So why do it?

I often find myself with thoughts in my head of how to most eloquently construct a jumble of words in order to create something somewhat poetic. These words are my feelings and in carrying out this process I bring an order and an understanding of where I am and of who I am. It allows me to reflect on how I am feeling but because I have a goal; a purpose to my thinking I don't fall in to the trap of drowning in these often negative and dejectful thoughts. (Is dejectful a word? It is now.)

Why do I tell you this? Well I suppose because I keep thinking I should really post something on my blog. I used to write so often and so frequently and now months pass with nothing. And this lead me to consider why I started writing my thoughts and feelings down in the first place and why did I then decide to release them to the world. And I realised that I never started this blog in order to entertain anybody else. As nice a thought as that is and if people do read something of mine and find it entertaining then I am really glad however my initial intentions were purely as a method of gaining an understanding of myself.

I would express my feelings in words in order that they became real and could easily be identified. I could look at them, I could tear them or I could treasure them. Posting them on the internet was my way of releasing those feelings. They ceased to be just mine and anybody could share in them.

So if this was why I began writing why is it an issue if I don't? It's not. And this is a realisation that has only now struck me. If constructing a poetic phrase in my head is enough to identify with any feelings then why take it further. I know when I hit really emotionally difficult times I will post lots again because I will need that healing process that works for me. But until then I need only post things I find particularly significant or thought provoking.

Gareth x

Maybe...

Maybe if I close my eyes this world will just dissolve around me and within my head another one will be created. But when my head is filled with fear and sorrow what sort of world am I expecting?

Gareth x

Monday 8th February

That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.

Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

These Chains

These chains would break,
If only love would surge.
So let this depression shake,
Let a new man emerge.
You hold in you the power,
And you can let it flood.
In the same way that a flower,
Was once held tight in a bud.
Yes these chains would shatter,
With your gentlest touch.
That's why nothing else matters.
That's why I love you so much.

By Gareth Luce

Dreams

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

-Louisa May Alcott

What the world owes me.

So I promised I'd write something and alas I have not, until now that is. I have been thinking a lot though. Life just seems to have clicked now and I find myself brushing off things that would have had me beat for days before. I didn't really understand why though I didn't know how I was doing it.

I think I've sussed it however. I've been blaming the World for all my losses and set backs. Now though I've realised that the World never promised me anything and yet it's already given me so much. I took for granted what was handed to me and when I stopped being handed opportunities and helping hands I demanded answers and demanded I started to get them again. I didn't realise they had just been gifts that I was privileged to have received.

I then made another realisation; at times in my life when I had given most to other people I was happiest. Now you may not believe in Karma or in a good and evil balance but you don't have to because it's just a by-product of how you live your life. If you live for others and enrich other peoples life's things automatically start to go well for you. You naturally become somebody people warm to and want to spend time with. With that comes new and close friends, relationships maybe and possibly even a new job. As soon as you focus on you and what has been taken from you you lose many qualities that people appreciate.

So I start a new job on Monday and it's very people orientated. Let's hope I can inspire some people and help them fulfill their life's and, if my theory is correct, I'll be happy for many years yet.

Gareth x