So why do it?

I often find myself with thoughts in my head of how to most eloquently construct a jumble of words in order to create something somewhat poetic. These words are my feelings and in carrying out this process I bring an order and an understanding of where I am and of who I am. It allows me to reflect on how I am feeling but because I have a goal; a purpose to my thinking I don't fall in to the trap of drowning in these often negative and dejectful thoughts. (Is dejectful a word? It is now.)

Why do I tell you this? Well I suppose because I keep thinking I should really post something on my blog. I used to write so often and so frequently and now months pass with nothing. And this lead me to consider why I started writing my thoughts and feelings down in the first place and why did I then decide to release them to the world. And I realised that I never started this blog in order to entertain anybody else. As nice a thought as that is and if people do read something of mine and find it entertaining then I am really glad however my initial intentions were purely as a method of gaining an understanding of myself.

I would express my feelings in words in order that they became real and could easily be identified. I could look at them, I could tear them or I could treasure them. Posting them on the internet was my way of releasing those feelings. They ceased to be just mine and anybody could share in them.

So if this was why I began writing why is it an issue if I don't? It's not. And this is a realisation that has only now struck me. If constructing a poetic phrase in my head is enough to identify with any feelings then why take it further. I know when I hit really emotionally difficult times I will post lots again because I will need that healing process that works for me. But until then I need only post things I find particularly significant or thought provoking.

Gareth x